You Don’t Have to Carry It By Yourself

Mental Illness Awareness Week just ended, but for me, mental health is personal all year long.

After a couple of relationships that left me hurting, I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety. My mental health used to plague me. Putting in the work to heal, with God’s help, is what got me through the pain.

There were certain streets I couldn’t drive down without bursting into a full-blown ugly cry. I couldn’t watch a movie or TV show if there was arguing. When I tried to sleep, my memories would bring back bad moments.

It was hard. And I coped horribly—with alcohol and overindulgence.

Some might ask, “Where was your God when all of that was happening?”

He never left me. He was near, but I wasn’t seeking Him the way I needed to. My prayers were shallow. I believed in Him, but I had more to learn about bringing my pain to Him.

That is my experience. I’m not saying that someone struggling with their mental health isn’t praying enough.

Looking back, I believe some of what I went through could have been way worse. That is how I recognize that I was still covered and protected, even during painful situations.

And I know that brings another question: “If you were covered and protected, why did you still have to go through those things?”

I don’t have an answer for every painful thing that happened. But I believe God still had a plan for my life while I was going through it. Jeremiah 29:11 reminded me of hope and a future.

What I wanted was nowhere near, but my faith stayed high. The vision stayed before me: God had a plan and a purpose, even when I couldn’t see how I would get there.

Some of my miseries have turned into my mission. Advocating for mental health check-ins and awareness is one of them.

Because you know what I didn’t have when I was dealing with all of that?

Someone to just sit with me so I didn’t have to carry it by myself.

Someone to bring me a meal when I didn’t have the strength to prepare one.

Someone to take my daughter out for a couple of hours so she didn’t have to stay home watching her mother cry, drink, and try to push through.

My daughter did see me get through hard times. I’m grateful she got to see that part, too. But I still wish we had more support while I was getting there.

That is why, when I talk about checking on someone’s mental health, I’m thinking about more than asking, “Are you okay?”

Sometimes it means sitting with them long enough to hear the honest answer. Sometimes it means bringing food, helping with a task, or giving a parent a little room to breathe.

You may not be able to fix what someone is going through. You can still help them carry it.

If you’re struggling, you deserve someone who will listen without judging your situation. A counselor, social worker, or clinical therapist can help you work through what you’re experiencing. You don’t have to wait until everything falls apart to reach out.

If you need support right now:

• Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, for free, confidential support available 24/7. You can reach out for emotional distress or a mental health crisis; you do not have to be suicidal.
• In Hennepin County, Minnesota, call COPE at 612-596-1223 for urgent mental health crisis support and mobile crisis response.

You don’t have to suffer alone. I don’t want you to. Been there, done that.

If you’d like me to listen, feel free to email me at aquilla@aquillaxco.com. I’m sharing this as someone who has been through it. For immediate crisis support, please use the numbers above.

This is part of why mental health advocacy matters to me—and why it has a place in Aquilla x Co.